


Regrets

by Sleepless_Malice



Series: Fëanorian Week 2018 [5]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Art inspired by this fic, Character Death, Feanorian week, Fëanorian Week 2018, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Illustrated, Memories, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-05 02:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepless_Malice/pseuds/Sleepless_Malice
Summary: Amras regrets each quarrel they have ever had; each ill-spoken word and childish accusation.Yet what he regrets most are the words he never said.- written for Fëanorian Week 2018





	Regrets

**Regrets**

*****

In his dream, he runs his hand down Amrod’s shoulder, pausing just above the burnt skin.

In his dream, Amrod is still there.

Alive and laughing.

Smiling at him.

In his dream, Amrod had, though eternally maimed, survived.

Amras wakes, shaking and wet with cold sweat, to the sound of rain beating against the tent and his own screaming.

It has been months since he last saw his twin but he still holds on to the hope that he would see him again, just one more time, alive.

He knows he should move on for the sake of all of them. But how can he?

Suddenly, the safety of the tent feels like choking hands around Amras’s throat, confining him to a space that is too narrow; too hot and cold at the same time.

He steps into the night, allows the cruel embrace of the howling wind around his sparsely dressed body. If it would only numb him.

Rain hits his face as he looks up into the bleak sky. He lets the thunder cry out for him as no strength is left in his heart to scream.

Amras hadn’t realized how much his brother had meant to him until he was gone; hadn’t realized how much he still means to him, even after so many months.

He wishes he could reach back through memory and return the touch Amrod offered.

He wishes he could reach back to the fateful day, wonders if it would have made a difference, in the end, if he had joined Maedhros when he had spoken against father.

There is no answer.

There never was.

_Will I ever see you again?_

He regrets each quarrel they have ever had; each ill-spoken word and childish accusation.

Yet what he regrets most are the words he never said; words of friendship and praise. How much he misses him whenever they are separated; about the future, which he had so brightly envisioned for them.

_Will I ever be able to share all that with you?_

 

*

The assault came swiftly.

In the distance, he heard Maedhros’s cry of warning, but it came too late, at the very moment a flashing blade hit Amras’ throat.

Lying in the cold water which had become a dark and ugly red from the bloodshed all around him, for the first time in years, Amras doesn’t feel cold.

Instead, he feels warm as if embraced by strong arms and yet strangely free as if he is floating in a sunlit river, not lying in the dark and bloody shallows of the unforgiving Sea.

The call of the Oath becomes a faint whisper in his mind as memories of long forgotten days come alive, bright and radiant, two boys carefree playing in a meadow with flowers all around them.

For the first time in years, Amras sees his brother’s face clear, not hazed and faded like clothes washed too often, hears not screams, but chiming laughter.

He dreams Amrod speaks to him in a soft whisper and stretches his hand out to him just as he had done a thousand times in the past.

In this moment, closing his eyes to the ugliness around him, Amras knows he truly will see him again.

_I shall see you again, brother mine._

Lips curled into a crooked smile, Amras draws in a last rattling breath, with Maedhros’s arm yanking him out of the icy waters of Sirion so that at least he does not die alone.

_Soon we shall be reunited again._

And then he dies, his body tightly pressed against Maedhros’s chest, as the reflecting moonlight hides the blood-red waters.  

*

 

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to @bunn who beta'd this story for me.
> 
> THE AMAZING [@Piperfog](https://twitter.com/_Piperfog) drew a fantastic piece of art inspired by this story. I'm still rendered speechless. THANKS SO MUCH [Fantastic art on twitter](https://twitter.com/_Piperfog/status/1087038220586635264) <3333 please, check it out <33


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